When you don't want anything anymore....
This is a semi-appreciation filled post to thank everyone who has been around me and who have helped me very much. Shout out to my loyal fan come friend, Naco, who reads my every post and replies me on twitter, giving me the inspiration to continue writing, and to forever staying true to my blogging motto, "As long as even one person reads, I'll continue writing".
I know that we all feel lost at some point in our lives, and we feel like we're drowning. I've felt that before, you've probably felt that way at some point in your life or perhaps, you're still feeling that way? Nobody knows. In all of my blog posts, I try to relate what I'm feeling with how I could essentially help people who are in the same, or similar position as I am. I don't know of course if it helps unless I receive comments or if you contact me via my social media profiles. I know a lot of people, still feel apprehensive about contacting me, but I never share any of your personal accounts or your names unless you allow me to. Most of the time, when it comes to personal accounts, I hold back from sharing any from my friends or followers because I know how it can feel like I'm letting out a secret. So, I just refrain altogether.
I think many of my readers know that I had been struggling from a pretty rough patch since a year and a half ago and how I've been getting better and having better clarity. Recovery after all, is a recovery period before you're fully recovered. After you've done some exercise, or maybe you don't exercise and you've climbed a set of stairs, you need some time to recover after it. You don't suddenly reach the top and feel okay immediately. That's how it feels like emotionally as well. I'm really happy to see how people speak more openly about emotional well-being and are treating it just the same as a fractured bone (more or less, because more people are jumping onto the bandwagon of recognising mental health as a legitimate issue and not something you can just snap out of).
Having said that as well, mental health history should not be seen as a reason why people would commit some crime. I think the media throws about mental health issues and mental illness as the reason why someone commits murder or whatever. But there needs to be a distinction between psychopaths and people who have episodes of sad and disorders. Some things are temporary. My mental health hit rock bottom in 2014, I didn't feel like killing anyone, what I felt was isolation, panic attacks, sleep paralysis, anxiety, overwhelming episodes of sad and tremors. Everyone feels differently during their attacks and it's okay to speak about it. I am much better than what I was before and to all those people who are still suffering, I want you to know that it is okay to feel however you are feeling and it will pass. It may feel like you're putting in a lot of effort and you're going nowhere, but this too shall pass, it's only temporary as much as you feel that there is no hope. My only advice is to keep at it and you'll get better with time, don't give up.
All these things have made me realise what I want in life and I've also realised that they are not much and are achievable and I have been putting a block on my mind without even realising it because of what I have been through. It's not easy to tell people how you feel and especially online, where there are so many keyboard warriors and if you don't articulate yourself well enough, you're slated. It's even more scary to want to share your feelings. But the way I see it is, I now have the capability to deal with obnoxious criticism, the ones that come from extremely butt hurt people and so, I can take on the responsibility of letting people know how someone (not representative of everyone) feels in these type of situations.
Moving on from how I feel, I think as we progress, a lot of people want more and more. I somehow have learnt to let go and to take things as they come. I use to chase after things all the time and when it slipped away, it made me feel all kinds of awful. But now, I'm just trying to be the old me. I'm watching movies and series again. I'm reading books, I'm writing again, I'm singing again and I'm focusing on the things that I love doing. I'm picking up new hobbies. I'm taking things as they come and I'm trying not to worry too much. I'm keeping an open mind.
I think the journey of liberation from your belief system and from what you think is true or valid is always going to be a bit difficult but now, I think it's better to spend your time on things that you enjoy or believe to be good for you rather than just accepting. I'm not saying I've hacked life, I'm far from it, but I'm learning new things and as my friend says "You're too innocent to die. You have to taste life first", I am taking things less seriously and just trying to enjoy the moment.
Till my next post. xx
I know that we all feel lost at some point in our lives, and we feel like we're drowning. I've felt that before, you've probably felt that way at some point in your life or perhaps, you're still feeling that way? Nobody knows. In all of my blog posts, I try to relate what I'm feeling with how I could essentially help people who are in the same, or similar position as I am. I don't know of course if it helps unless I receive comments or if you contact me via my social media profiles. I know a lot of people, still feel apprehensive about contacting me, but I never share any of your personal accounts or your names unless you allow me to. Most of the time, when it comes to personal accounts, I hold back from sharing any from my friends or followers because I know how it can feel like I'm letting out a secret. So, I just refrain altogether.
I think many of my readers know that I had been struggling from a pretty rough patch since a year and a half ago and how I've been getting better and having better clarity. Recovery after all, is a recovery period before you're fully recovered. After you've done some exercise, or maybe you don't exercise and you've climbed a set of stairs, you need some time to recover after it. You don't suddenly reach the top and feel okay immediately. That's how it feels like emotionally as well. I'm really happy to see how people speak more openly about emotional well-being and are treating it just the same as a fractured bone (more or less, because more people are jumping onto the bandwagon of recognising mental health as a legitimate issue and not something you can just snap out of).
Having said that as well, mental health history should not be seen as a reason why people would commit some crime. I think the media throws about mental health issues and mental illness as the reason why someone commits murder or whatever. But there needs to be a distinction between psychopaths and people who have episodes of sad and disorders. Some things are temporary. My mental health hit rock bottom in 2014, I didn't feel like killing anyone, what I felt was isolation, panic attacks, sleep paralysis, anxiety, overwhelming episodes of sad and tremors. Everyone feels differently during their attacks and it's okay to speak about it. I am much better than what I was before and to all those people who are still suffering, I want you to know that it is okay to feel however you are feeling and it will pass. It may feel like you're putting in a lot of effort and you're going nowhere, but this too shall pass, it's only temporary as much as you feel that there is no hope. My only advice is to keep at it and you'll get better with time, don't give up.
All these things have made me realise what I want in life and I've also realised that they are not much and are achievable and I have been putting a block on my mind without even realising it because of what I have been through. It's not easy to tell people how you feel and especially online, where there are so many keyboard warriors and if you don't articulate yourself well enough, you're slated. It's even more scary to want to share your feelings. But the way I see it is, I now have the capability to deal with obnoxious criticism, the ones that come from extremely butt hurt people and so, I can take on the responsibility of letting people know how someone (not representative of everyone) feels in these type of situations.
Moving on from how I feel, I think as we progress, a lot of people want more and more. I somehow have learnt to let go and to take things as they come. I use to chase after things all the time and when it slipped away, it made me feel all kinds of awful. But now, I'm just trying to be the old me. I'm watching movies and series again. I'm reading books, I'm writing again, I'm singing again and I'm focusing on the things that I love doing. I'm picking up new hobbies. I'm taking things as they come and I'm trying not to worry too much. I'm keeping an open mind.
I think the journey of liberation from your belief system and from what you think is true or valid is always going to be a bit difficult but now, I think it's better to spend your time on things that you enjoy or believe to be good for you rather than just accepting. I'm not saying I've hacked life, I'm far from it, but I'm learning new things and as my friend says "You're too innocent to die. You have to taste life first", I am taking things less seriously and just trying to enjoy the moment.
Till my next post. xx
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